literature

Subtle interrogatives brought through the image

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SebastianGrimm's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

A steel mirror opens slowly the junctions, parts fall apart and senses are easily lost.
The apparatus transforms the gas slowly, the optics are blurred and yet...You still live.

                               If you can still hear my voice,
                               Tell me how it feels to be mutilated.
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PoetBoi's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

I'll start off by saying that you wrote this very well, presenting very good imagery to make up for the brief length of the piece. It also sports a very knowledgeable use of vocabulary.

What I dislike the most is either the near overuse of the literary writing technique. The way you word it is embedded in this old literary style that it's almost confusing to read through the first time. "A steel mirror opens slowly the junctions", for example. Another example; "The apparatus transforms the gas slowly".

In all, however, this was thoroughly enjoyable with the image it provides. The length itself is of small concern however; Those who enjoy this the most probably want more than the single image you seem to be painting. I for one was curious as to who was speaking to whom. In all, however, good work.